Sometimes when I close my eyes I go back in time and I miss my childhood memories.. I miss my dreams.., especially the un-realized ones. But when I open my eyes and see my lovely daughter and caring husband I feel the luckiest girl on earth, and it’s only then I realize that in fact I miss my dreams that I wanted to see not the realistic ones. I feel happy that those dreams never came true, because I would be so disappointed and would never have a chance to live in this current life.
In the moments like this, I go back and try to find the starting point of the crossroad, and it is true that every decision we make will impact our life, our destination. Life is full of crossroads and deciding which way to chose will define how we live. Just like the movie “Sliding doors” shows us. Sliding Doors is a British-American romantic comedy-drama film, which alternates between two parallel universes, based on the two paths the central character’s life could take depending on whether or not the Helen, female character playing the main role, catches a train. If Helen went in the train or not changes her life, the way she lives. However the last scene of the movie she meets Tom (male character playing the male role) in totally different situation, being a totally different woman, but at the lift where Tom repeats the same words just like in another life where they met in train. The lift doors close again in this sceen, leaving the audience to speculate whether it was fate or coincidence that brought Helen and James together under these circumstances. And just like John Lennon stated “There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be…”.
Back then, I was just a dreaming and ambitious kid and was not aware of this difference between dreams and reality. And when things didn’t go the way I planned, dreamed and wanted to I was so disappointed, so angry with my life and my destiny. Of course it hurt that I could never live my dreams, the ones I kept fighting for, and I might have been happy if I had. But that was like the change of seasons–something immutable, an immovable destiny I could never alter. No matter how cleverly I might shelter it; my dreams weren’t going to last forever. My dreams were bound to reach a dead end. If I were to live my dreams I’m sure I would be unhappy, because they were not real, people in my dreams were not real, and they were just the way I wanted them to be, which had nothing to do with the reality. But one thing I know for sure, it were those dreams that lead me where I am today, it was those happy pictures in my life that I never actually lived, it were all those tears.
Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never even knew you had. This is exactly what happened with me. My current life, my husband, my job, my friends were never present in my dreams. But when I compare my dreams I had back in my childhood and the reality I live now, I keep wondering if I will wake up one day. I never knew that in reality people can be so happy. I was told that you can never be fully happy, always you will be missing something, and that might be true to a certain point. Of course you will always miss something, or you would want more of something, but that’s not comparable with the happiness you feel.
I don’t know about you but I believe in destiny. I believe that every decision we make will affect our life but at the end we will arrive at the point we were meant to. You start at point 1 and your destiny is to arrive at point 2, but when at crossroads decision you make will define in which way you will proceed and you have possibility x, y or z, but the end will be the same.
Regarding myself and my life I must admit that not every decision I took was easy and probably not the best one either, but one thing I know for sure destiny planned for the best life I could have ever imagines, and for sure better than my childhood dreams.