Me personally consider myself a strong character person. I was raised by my parents with lots of expectations, especially my father who was my biggest motivator, pusher. Many times I felt tired and wanted to give up but I felt I owe him to make him proud of me and continued further.
During my studies I was chosen best student of the year for 3 years continuously. Two first years were the hardest: in the first year to become one, and in the second year to retain the title. It took a lot of time, hard-work and believe. But nothing compares to the motivation of seeing my daddy’s eyes proud.
My decision to come back in Kosovo, although I was offered a job in Slovenia, was not an easy thing. It was the first time I didn’t listen to my parents and the first time I feel sorry for that (only now after so many years). To give another spin to that, I’m a believer (I believe in God) and I continue to believe that my decision to come back in Kosovo was planned by him so I earn something else – My beloved husband, who changed me to a better person (but that’s for another article).
My first official job in Kosovo was fun. I was working with the best team you could possible imagine. I was doing something positive for my society. I was developing, I was learning and I was expressing myself. Through years I saw myself developed, more knowledgeable, more powerful. I had network and people around me was asking for my expertise. Wow so proud of myself, so proud for my parents! I was offered a job, with double payment and totally different nature of work. It was challenging for me! Of course I was in need for additional finances (I became a new mom), but on the other hand doing something different was driving me to change my job. I felt consumed in my previous job!
More finances mean more work. More work means less time. Less time mean more stress. Exactly more stress! Almost 2 years working in such an environment was the biggest lesson learned in my life, for which I cannot be more thankful.
Being in need for more finance people tend not to think/analyze their actions and decisions. I was swamped so much that in fact was not realizing that I had no free time for myself, my husband and more importantly my daughter. Thanks God I have one of the best mother-in-law who took care of my baby-girl better than anyone else could have taken care of, but at the end of the day she was a grandmother and my baby needed a mother around. Only today I understand why my baby was crying 6 months continuously day and night. This was additional stress added to my life. Sleepless nights, and hard and stressful days at work, couldn’t be worse. Moreover, I did not have more finances. Thinking I was earning more, in fact I was spending more in unneeded staff, and it resulted I did not save anything.
After the project ended, unexpectedly before it was planned to, I was left alone in my world. I say I was left alone, not because I had no one beside me, contrary I had full support and love of my husband, parents and friends. Even I had the support and love of some friends I never knew were my ‘real’ friends. But I was left alone in my world by myself. It was only then I remembered I needed time for myself, my feelings, my wishes, and my people around (family and friends). It took 3 months time to go back in 2 years and analyze everything I did and did not do; analyze my mistakes and get a lesson from it. Today I have totally different job. A job I would have never dreamed off. A job I never knew I would love doing it. A job where I’m worth it. A position which counts.
I learned that when choosing a job, people must choose between two things – finances and/or job positions. A mix of both is the best combinations, and that’s how it works in developed countries, but not necessarily in Kosovo. Wishing for more finances means more work, less time and more stress. Having a better job positions means more responsibility and more power too.
Personally I feel sorry I took the time from my daughter, my husband, my family, my friends and myself and was focused so much on work, a time which I cannot get back, but on the other hand I feel happy for my decision to change my first job and challenge myself, because only in that way I understood for the first time in my life what is more important to me. It’s not carrier, money or pride, it’s my FAMILY. People tend to spend as much as they have, the more they have the more they spend, the more they spend the more they want to have. I never felt happier than now, never dedicated more attention to myself than now and had more time and money than now.
Being a mother is my primary job! Carrier is just a tool to achieve my carrier goal and my goal is being an independent woman.