I don’t know how you feel when you miss someone you love, but to me it hurts.. It hurts so much that it feels like a knife was put into my heart.
Thankfully my husband, who is away currently, will be back soon, but even knowing this doesn’t help me feel better, it still hurts. It feels like my world has turned upside-down, like I have lost my motivation and reason to wake up in the morning. Sometimes, especially when I know he will be travelling away, I miss him even when we are together – that’s how much I love him.
I know there are several psychological explanations and ways how and why we miss someone, and jealousy (seeing the other person being happy with anyone else but you) is the worst feeling that makes us feel pain. Fortunately this is not my case, and yet I feel the pain. I love my husband madly, deeply, crazily, and whenever he’s not around it feels like I’m not able to love anyone or anything, like I don’t know how to love and be happy. Of course my daughter is my world, but that’s something else, that’s different kind of love, different kind of happiness and joy. I’m talking about partnership, about friendship.
I was reading an article yesterday “What do you learn from missing someone” and yes there were plenty good lessons, one of them being ‘understand why you miss the other person, what exactly do you miss and the next time that person is around you – don’t waste time but do those things together’. And I kept asking myself what do I miss from my husband, and the answer is every little thing we do every day.. Waking up next to him and then trying so hard to wake him up (he’s sleepy yes), arguing every morning in the car ‘why do I have to clean the house before we go off to work’ or ‘why he’s driving fast/slow’, make-up calls later on… I miss the feeling I have whenever I see him after work, which feels like I’m seeing him for the first time, and I miss all daily discussion about work and life in the car back home. I miss cooking for him and yet while cooking arguing why he’s not eating healthy food… I miss sharing our foods, and later on arguing who will pour coffee for us.. I miss watching him reading to our daughter every night, I miss watching her sparkling eyes whenever he plays with her… I miss drinking good-night coffees with him, lying down next to him before I go to sleep.. I miss him begging me to watch a movie with him and me falling asleep in his arms after 5 minutes.. I miss his smell, hearing his heart-beats, his arms around me, his good-night kisses (even when I’m deep in my sleep)… I miss everything about him.