Category Archives: Love

When a song reminds you of a special feeling


I don’t know about you but I have many songs that remind me of very special moments. Yet, the song “If I ain’t got you” by Alicia Keys is one of my favorite songs, because it reminds me the hard times me and my husband had to pass to be together.

We both share histories from our past. His one is a sad one, whereas mine is a troubled one. And in fact if we analyze how we got together, it was our histories that connected us. Both of our problems/sadness began at the same time, and somehow we needed to be together (we were colleagues and friends before we got together).

It was a night in spring 2009 when I went out for a drink, and there was live music. I was at my parent’s house who live in another city. I don’t know why but the singer sang more than three times this song, and somehow I couldn’t stop thinking on him (now my husband). I could clearly say it was exactly that night I became aware that my feelings towards him had changed. Somehow all I wanted was to be with him, not only that night but forever afterwards. I remember we exchanged some messages but I can’t remember exactly what. I went to sleep thinking on him.

The next morning I was drinking coffee with my family when the doorbell rang… and when I opened the door it was him. I was shivering and was ready to explode in tears and kiss him right there in front of everyone, but I had to calm myself because we firstly never talked about us and secondly my family was against me getting involved in any relationship, especially because I still didn’t officially break-up with my ex-boyfriend to whom I was also engaged (which means our families had a history together) – although we were not seeing each other for over a year.

Nevertheless, I remember me and my ‘friend’ (now my husband) went out and spent the day together. If you ask me what we did, where we went or what we talked I can barely tell you anything, because I was way too emotional to pay attention. However, for me that day still remains one of the best and happiest days of my life. All I can say and remember is that ‘that particular day’ marks the beginning of our love story, not because we kissed or talked anything about us, but because we both felt the love.

My husband remains one of the most important people in my life. I’m the happiest and luckiest girl to have met him and be with him. He will forever be my place of calm. There’s no way in the world through which I can truly express my love for him, but I know he can feel it and that makes me happy.

And as the song says:

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, yeah


On National Husband’s Day

To the best husband in the world:

There is a picture that sits on the corner of my desk at work.  It is almost half a decade old and yet hypnotizes me anew with each glance.

The background of the image is a bit messy, and clearly, the background is not what draws me in every time I look at it.

It is your face…

The face of a man who chooses to overlook my flaws each and every day.  The smile of a man who continuously encourages me to become the best version of myself.

The man with the cutest ears.  The same ears that have been there to listen to me fully and intently for longer than I can remember.  His large hands cradle my small ones with tenderness and an acknowledgement that one of his greatest strengths is his gentleness.

The man with the most beautiful nose I’ve ever seen, the one that our daughter has inherited. The same nose that I love to kiss caringly.

Your love for me is real.  No one looking at this photo would miss that.  But what I see every day when I glance up from my desk are your eyes.  Those beautiful, green-peaceful eyes, looking me straight in the eyes with laugh – as you always love to surround me with love and happiness – each single day.

Looking into your eyes, I see grace.  Sometimes I am working so hard I can’t really take time and enjoy your presence, but you still don’t seem to mind. You still keep smiling at me with love.

When I allow to-do lists and work consume my day and forget momentarily that the best use of my time is that which focuses on my family, faith, and community, you always remind me gently how appreciative I should be.  Grace.

When I have a challenging day and collapse into your arms with tears streaming down my face, you’re always there to hold me for as long as I need. Grace.

What I see when I look into your eyes my dear I see is love, respect, honor and adoration.  Your humility shines through illuminating all else.  But above all things, when I look into your eyes, I see grace.  Enough for today.  More than enough for tomorrow.

Thank you for being you and sticking around.. Thank you for never getting tired to look in my eyes with the deepest love and admiration.

I love you more than I know to explain you how much I do… Happy Husband’s Day my Love..

Yours forever,


P.S. Here’s a certificate of appreciation for you my love, for honoring your love, kindness and sacrifice you do for me and our angel. A certificate for being the best husband in the world.. A certificate of love 🙂


Feeling guilty


There was a time when I was in a relationship, in which I was never fully happy, but yet I loved the person I was with. I can’t say I was in love, not at all, but I did love him.. as a friend maybe, or as someone I was used to share my life with, I don’t know exactly.. I just know I loved him and he was very special to me.

Nevertheless, there was a time I realized I didn’t want to continue like this anymore. I loved him, but not enough to spend the rest of my life with him. I loved him but not enough to create my family with him.. I loved him but not enough to never cheat on him.. so I decided to quit this relationship. No matter how painful it might have been for all of us: me – him, our families and friends, this was my final decision and I stuck to it. Today, when I look back in time, I never regret honestly, but I always feel a bit guilty..

I feel guilty for his pain.. I feel guilty for prolonging so many years a decision I always knew I will make.. I feel guilty for breaking so many hearts..

Not long after our split, his mother who loved me and the idea of us, got sick and not long after she died, and I feel guilty for it. It might not have been because of me, but yet I feel guilty.

I feel guilty for him not being able to finish his studies, because I was his pusher, his motivater, and suddenly I left him in the middle of the cross-road with lots of traffic.

Two years ago he got married, and I was happy, but then I heard they can’t have a child, and I feel guilty for it. Was it because of me that he got drunk and high for so many times, that today he can’t have children.. I don’t know for sure, but still I feel very much guilty..

Yesterday, I was told, he became a drug dealer, and my heart was broken into a million pieces.. Was it because of me?

I feel guilty for everything.. Some people are saying I don’t have to be, because he was smart enough to choose his path, but I can’t be so calm, because I know if we were together he would haven been better.. he would continue to be a good person that everyone loved to hang with.. he would be a happy person trying for his success.. but on the other hand I also know I personally would never be happy.. I would be dying inside every time I would look at us. I would be making sins instead of him.. and I chose me.. I was selfish I know…and  I feel guilty for it, but what’s even worse, I would chose me and my current life all over again

30 dates on my 30th BDay

30 important dates on my 30th Birthday:

1.      11.09.1985 – the day I was born.. Yes, it is a very important day
for me.. and I will always celebrate my presence in this world. This
day is my day and will be my day forever..

2.      01.09.1992 – the first day I went to school. It is one of the most
important days of my life, as my life journey begin here. No matter
that I was not aware at that time.. Today I know that day marked the
begging of all those years with books, seminars, tests and diplomas.

3.      04.12.1998 – the day I met my first lover (or better say my
sympathy at that time). I know some of you may judge me, but it is
this day and that particular person that taught me what I really want
in my life, why I should fight for my own happiness, and why LOVE is
the most important thing in our lives. And yes, it is because of him I
found my true love today, and I will always be grateful to this date.

4.      23.10.2004 – the day I first went to Slovenia (for my undergrad
studies). It is a very important day to me, as it was the first time I
was travelling abroad alone, living alone, and handling my life (with
all the beauties and struggles) by myself. It is also the day that
open my possibilities to travel the world, earn my own money for the
first time, and also meet my best friends.

5.      11.09.2006 – celebrating my BDAY in Paris – the city of love – the
city I love the most. It was an amazing day, amazing feeling and I’ve
spent great time. I will never forget the present my best friend
bought me in Paris (the sexy girl sign), and drawings my SIFE
colleagues bought me.. (I still have the Louvre drawing hanged in my

6.      08.10.2007 – the day I travelled in USA for the first time. For us
living in Kosovo (Balkan countries) at that time, traveling to USA was
a dream, and not everyone had that possibility. So going there was a
life-changing experience for me. I was not only amazed with USA, but
it also helped me grow into a better person, and understand more
clearly my wishes and life goals.

7.      03.03.2008 – my first office job day. It was one of the best job’s
I ever did in my life, with the best atmosphere and colleagues. I will
treasure these memories forever.

8.      10.03.2008 – I first met my colleague – now my husband. Although at
that time we were only colleagues, we soon become very close friends-
sharing every secret and detail of our lives.

9.      18.04.2008 – I graduated from my under-grad studies. An experience
I will never forget.. and I still miss those days.

10.     01.08.2009 – I bought my first apartment. No matter the fact that
my parent did the down-payment, I still pay the mortgage.. and it is a
great feeling knowing that you have the power and finance stability to
buy an apartment for yourself.

11.     05.08.2009 –it is a day I gave a promise to my now-husband that I
will fight everything and everyone for my own happiness – and here I
am –as happy as anyone can be

12.     January 2010 – the day we did a small accident with a car.
Thankfully no one was injured, yet I will always remember this day, as
it was the day I realized I’m truly in love with my husband.

13.     14.02.2010 –the first date out. The beginning of a new journey.

14.     04.06.2010 – His BDay – the first one we were celebrating
together.. The first time we were on seaside.. The first time we told
the world out-load that we are in a relationship.

15.     05.08.2010 – While on vocation we decided to get married and
embrace our love forever. It was too soon for some people, but when
you find the right person you just know it, and you see no reason why
postpone this decision.

16.     10.10.2010 – The day we made our house a home – we started to live
together, a decision which helped me overcome the phase of marriage,
before I actually got married. Meanwhile we started with planning and
preps for our big day.

17.     26.06.2011 – My bachelorette day, which I celebrated with family
and friends, just like our tradition requires.

18.     02/03.06.2014 – the days we signed the marriage agreement – both
in the municipality and mosque. It is special feeling getting married
both legally and religiously, somehow you feel more connected to the
person you are marrying.

19.     02.07.2011 – Our Wedding Day- one of the best days of my life. The
‘I – DO’ day, the day I will treasure forever.. This day marks the
beginning of a happy journey, filled only with sweet surprises.

20.     14.07.2011 – Our first honeymoon day, or as I used to call: all
honey and full moon days. Our honeymoon is special in every aspect,
and I’m grateful to my sisters for making such a big present for my

21.     29.07.2011 – The day I realized I’m pregnant. One of the best and
most amazing feelings I ever felt. A day full of sweet emotions. A day
I saw the brightest sparkle of happiness in the eyes of my husband..
the day that market the beginning of parenthood.

22.     11.04.2012 – My baby-girl came into this world. It is the best day
of my life. It is a day I became a mother, it is a day I felt alive.
It is a day I felt weak/emotional and strong at the same time. It is a
day that FOREVER changed my life, in the most beautiful way.

23.     January 2013 – BORA started to talk (9 months old).. her first
sweetest words (beside mommy, daddy) were BVA (her name) and NO (for
NJO – which means 1 years old)

24.     11.04.2013 – Bora’s first BDay and her first steps (she started to
walk on her Bday). I was extremely happy, as she never tried to walk
before.. somehow she just stood and started to walk.

25.     15.05.2013 – Bora started her Kindergarten. It is a milestone I
will never forget. I was both happy for her, but also sad for leaving
her to an unknown world for her. I felt guilty that day, but today I
know that one of the best decisions I did for my babygirl was to send
her in kindergarten.

26.     15.09.2013 – I started my new job (the one I still work at), which
I founded very interesting and attractive. It was totally new field
and I was unexperienced, but it was one of the lost-learning job’s
I’ve ever done.

27.     11.04.2014- Bora’s second Bday – but the first one in the
kindergarten – celebrating it with her friends. I will never forget
the happiness in her eyes.

28.     11.04.2015 – Bora’s third BDAY. A special day to remind me the
beauty of being a mother, the gratefulness of having a happy family
filled with love and mutual respect. For her third BDay she had a wish
to celebrate it three times, so once we celebrated it in the
Kindergarten, the second celebration was at my in-laws, and the third
celebration was in my parent’s home.

29.     01 May 2015 – My parents celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. I’m the luckiest girl to have been raised by them – a
shining couple who reflect respect and love for each other after all
these years, after all the sickness and other struggles they lived
through for all these 40 years.

30.     August 2015 – I realized I’m pregnant again 

August 5

5 August is the 217th day of the year, and there are 148 days remaining until the end of the year.

It was August 5th 2009, and I was only 24.. Is it a coincidence that if you sum up 5+8+2+0+0+9 it gives you exactly 24 I don’t know.. Is it a coincidence that August 5th 2009 was Wednesday same as the day I was born, you were born and our daughter was born I don’t know either.. all I know that in that particular day my life has changed for better. Today I’m here, living happily and in love thanks to this day 05.08.2009.

The whole 217 days of the 2009 were lived in hope. The whole 217 days were war days, consisting of different fights, some of which ended with victory and some others ended with loss yet here we were in the finish line smiling to this cruel world, smiling for our victory and for the fresh start standing in front of us.

148 remaining days didn’t meant anything for us anymore, because our calendar marked August 5 as the first date –the beginning of this long journey called life, while the end was eternity.

I still remember every single detail from this date, and will do so for the rest of my life. I keep smiling still and always will as long as I have you by my side.

We won! Our love won! Me and you till eternity!

I heart you!

When you miss someone


I don’t know how you feel when you miss someone you love, but to me it hurts.. It hurts so much that it feels like a knife was put into my heart.

Thankfully my husband, who is away currently, will be back soon, but even knowing this doesn’t help me feel better, it still hurts. It feels like my world has turned upside-down, like I have lost my motivation and reason to wake up in the morning. Sometimes, especially when I know he will be travelling away, I miss him even when we are together – that’s how much I love him.

I know there are several psychological explanations and ways how and why we miss someone, and jealousy (seeing the other person being happy with anyone else but you) is the worst feeling that makes us feel pain. Fortunately this is not my case, and yet I feel the pain. I love my husband madly, deeply, crazily, and whenever he’s not around it feels like I’m not able to love anyone or anything, like I don’t know how to love and be happy. Of course my daughter is my world, but that’s something else, that’s different kind of love, different kind of happiness and joy. I’m talking about partnership, about friendship.

I was reading an article yesterday “What do you learn from missing someone” and yes there were plenty good lessons, one of them being ‘understand why you miss the other person, what exactly do you miss and the next time that person is around you – don’t waste time but do those things together’. And I kept asking myself what do I miss from my husband, and the answer is every little thing we do every day.. Waking up next to him and then trying so hard to wake him up (he’s sleepy yes), arguing every morning in the car ‘why do I have to clean the house before we go off to work’ or ‘why he’s driving fast/slow’, make-up calls later on… I miss the feeling I have whenever I see him after work, which feels like I’m seeing him for the first time, and I miss all daily discussion about work and life in the car back home. I miss cooking for him and yet while cooking arguing why he’s not eating healthy food… I miss sharing our foods, and later on arguing who will pour coffee for us.. I miss watching him reading to our daughter every night, I miss watching her sparkling eyes whenever he plays with her… I miss drinking good-night coffees with him, lying down next to him before I go to sleep.. I miss him begging me to watch a movie with him and me falling asleep in his arms after 5 minutes.. I miss his smell, hearing his heart-beats,  his arms around me, his good-night kisses (even when I’m deep in my sleep)… I miss everything about him.

Einstein letter to his daughter

“Dear Lieserl
When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.

I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.

There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us.

This universal force is LOVE.

When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force.

Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it. Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others.

Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals.

For love we live and die.
Love is God and God is Love.

This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will.

To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation.

If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.

After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy.

If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer.

Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet.

However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released.

When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life.

I deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer!”

Your father Albert Einstein

P.S. I don’t know if this letter is true, but I love the explanation of universal force called Love