Tag Archives: baby

Choosing my baby’s name

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When I was born in 1985 it took my father 1 month and a half to decide for my name. They never wanted to know my gender, especially because I was the third child in a family with two daughters. The only reason in fact my parents decided to have another child was by hoping I will be a boy, since my father, my grandfather and my grand-grandfather were the only men in their family, and they really wanted to have a heir who would inherit my family name and wealth. And as you might imagine giving a birth to another girl was not a happy moment for them –although I was the most loved and spoiled daughter in the family afterwards.

Today it’s totally different. Today people get more excited and happy when they give birth to girls, because daughters are always more connected with their families – even after they get married.

When I was pregnant with my first baby, even before I knew her gender me and my husband had chosen two names one for the boy and another one for a girl. Although their meanings were very contradictory (for the girl we chose the name ‘Bora’ which means snow, while for the boy we chose the name ‘Dielli” which means sun). It turned out to be a girl so her name is Bora.

Now after 4 years I’m pregnant for the second time and it’s a boy, and despite the fact that everyone thought his name will be Dielli, me and my husband share different feelings today (compared to others). Dielly indeed is a very beautiful name, very positive, but it is just used too much lately in Kosovo. I have a feeling that every second boy is named Dielli. But choosing a name for our baby it is very tough. We want a short-name, to be Albanian (but easily pronounced in English too – since Albanian language has 36 alphabet letters – some of them which are not easily pronounced in other languages), and have a meaning. We have many proposals and suggestion but someone none of them is ‘the one’. I never thought choosing a baby’s name will be this hard.

Then of course I searched online how other people chose their baby names, and of course how it sounds and uniqueness are the most important thing people look for, but people look also after names that age well and that combine emotions, such as link it to a moment, month of birth, etc. One of the things that is very important, especially if you want a unique name is to do your homework well, because sometimes you think you baby’s name is very rare, but then suddenly after you name it every second child holds that name. A very interesting suggests I’ve read online is that ‘most name associations don’t last’. It happened to me and I’m sure it happened to all new parents to conjure/associate a name preference with our pasts: that childhood friend we didn’t love, ex-lover of our partner etc. –but if we really love the name afterwards we will regret for not naming our baby because of someone we once didn’t love. Because we all (including our family and friends who might be against the name) will learn to love the name once the baby arrives.

One of the toughest debate I had with my husband around the name for our baby-boy is that he wanted to have a strong meaning –masculine type of name – which shows power. But then he kept suggesting names like Ares – the son of Zeus from Greek mythology, who was the God of war, spiritless, and who killed everyone who crossed his road. It was hard convincing him that the name doesn’t have to be strong because the name won’t impact the kid’s masculinity or personality. Last but not least we all should remember that the name we will pick is the best.

When motherhood overcomes career and money

Currently I work as tariff expert in electricity distribution and supply companies. It is an interesting job, well-paid and highly appreciative. This is one of the working place I would work forever.

As most of you already know, I’m pregnant and expect to give birth by the end of March (although my due date is beginning of April). I don’t know if you remember, but with my first child I didn’t have the chance to enjoy my maternity leave as I did change my job and had no vacancies whatsoever, so I went to work after 5 weeks I have birth to my daughter – leaving her with her grandma (my mother in law) for total of 8 working hours (plus additional 1 hour of traffic to get back home). As a result she became a very crying baby and I a very tired and kind of depressed mother. Thankfully those days are over and I did promise to myself that never in my life I would chose my carrier and/or money over my children.

Job or Baby

Today I’m 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant and just got an information that my manager will leave for another company and as a result I might need to replace him. My world turned upside-down. Am I in position to refuse the job? – No  – and you know why because there’s no one else who can replace him. Our work is very specific and no one can replace him – unless we open a call and hire someone from other companies engaged in electricity sector (which I doubt my director will be willing to do – when he has already someone from inside). Am I happy for this news? – NOT AT ALL. I was there once I know how it feels and no I don’t wanna go back there. I don’t want a career perspective, nor a higher salary. All I want for the moment is to be with my baby as long as the law allows me (6 months in Kosovo, with the possibility of extension of another 6 months). I believe that maternity leave will allow me firstly to overcome the birth experience and get well properly, secondly it will allow me to connect properly with my child – which might result for the baby to be more calm, and last but not least if me and my baby will be Ok I’ll have enough time for my daughter and as such she won’t feel bad for another sibling, respectively for sharing her with her brother.

The only positive thing right now is that our general director still doesn’t know the decision of my manager and he is not planning to tell him, until he signs the new contract, so that might give me enough time to start my maternity leave on time, and hopefully until I get back no one will call me and disturb me. But if you ask me how hopeful I am of this scenario.. I really don’t even wanna think about it!

Differences between first and second pregnancy

I’m sure this article will be interesting only to the ones who are pregnant for the second time, and probably you have already read too many articles related to the differences between first and second pregnancy. But today I won’t be talking about theoretical lessons you read on professional articles, contrary I will tell my experience – which might be yours tomorrow.

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My first pregnancy was totally different. Everything was unknown, new and no matter how much I was reading everything seemed surprising. My relation with my partner only got stronger. We were both very exciting.

Hopefully I never had health problems. Contrary I was very energetic and felt heathy. My only problem was that I was a bit nervous during entire pregnancy, but otherwise everything was perfect. I was working full time and finishing my master classes in the evening. My daughter seems very comfortable inside me and she didn’t even take a step forward to get ready for the outside world, she was position horizontally, with her head on my left side and legs on my right side. No pressure whatsoever down in my pelvic are or up on my ribs. I was comfortable too – sitting, walking, moving, sleeping, and eating. I entered my 42nd week of pregnancy when I and my doctor decided for C-section, because my daughter was weighting 4.5 kg and it was becoming already unhealthy for her to continue staying in the womb.

Although as soon as she came out everything what seemed happy and nice got destroyed because she was very crying baby and I had to start working after 5 weeks of delivery, nonetheless, that’s topic for another article.

Today I will tell you my entire journey with my second pregnancy, up to date (Today I’m 32 weeks and 3 day pregnant). Firstly I had problems with my menstruation so I set an appointment to the doctor and it was there I understood I was pregnant (although my test were showing negative results). Of course I was happy and comfortable so I had two weddings in the upcoming months and I thought I’m more experienced now, plus my pregnancy will be as good as the first one, so I was not very careful with myself – by dancing and standing a lot – which resulted with bloodshed, which market also the beginning of a more complicated pregnancy. Although I must admit I have heard of much more complicated pregnancies, for me it was very tiring especially because I had a daughter I had to take care.

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Firstly my blood pressure is most of the time very low, which makes me tired sleepy and sometimes often feel like I might fall. I was vomiting, had short-breaths since the beginning, heartburns, head-aches, bone aches and on and on. Now that I approached the ending I feel like I can’t take it anymore. On top of all these, my baby’s position is head-down (which is good I know), but it makes terrible pressure on my pelvic area as well as on my ribs (with his little legs moving all the time). I feel very uncomfortable sitting, sleeping and especially walking (because I have a feeling my baby is coming out all the time). The only positive thing about my second pregnancy was that after all these complication (and many other I didn’t mentioned) I feel happy, very calm and not nervous at all (contrary I feel I have too much love to spread to the entire world).

Sometimes I believe that even if my second pregnancy was as good as the first one, it would still be different because I am more older, more tired, I don’t have as much time myself as I used to have because I have a child who has needs only I can fulfill. But no matter all these, I still feel the happiest mom on earth because I have a healthy and happy family which is growing. My children will grow surrounded by love and happiness and that’s priceless.

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How music affect fetal development

In fact this is not yet scientifically proven, and there are pro and cons arguments. Some studies, such the book I just read “Do chocolate lovers have sweeter babies: The surprising science of pregnancy”, indicate that fetuses can hear, react to music and even further they influence their development. Although no studies and/or book defined the idea that playing the music to your baby in the womb makes them smarter, some studies I have read support the idea that based on what kind of music you play and/or your baby in your womb reacts to –it depends his personality type.

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I personally can’t really tell for my baby, as he is very active baby and as such he kicks almost all the time I assume he is awake, so I can’t make any difference. Yet my taste for music during this pregnancy is totally different from my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant with my babygirl 4 years ago – I was more into relaxing music: Mozart, Love songs, and similar, whereas now I’m fully into energetic music, it doesn’t matter if its R&B, Pop or Rock – it just has to be energetic. I don’t know if this effects their personality, and since there are always people arguing pro and cons I can’t say for sure. Neither can I say anything based on my babygirl as she contrary to the music I loved to listen during my pregnancy if very stubborn, not so emotionally expressive, but surely it is very smart. I don’t know how my angel will be, but one thing is for sure his astrological sign will be similar to his sister (which means his personality might be similar to her), as my due-date is exactly the same with my babygirl’s. One thing is for sure –  as long as the  music I love listening to makes me feel happy, powerful, and it makes me dance around and have fun  – I’ll keep listening to it.

What to read when expecting

Expecting a baby is one of the most mixed feelings in the world. You feel very happy (especially if you are expecting for the first time) and in love with your unborn baby, but at the same time fatigue, food aversions or cravings, nausea with(out) vomiting, frequent urination, heartburn, up to uncomfortable baby kicks and moves by the third trimester make you feel tired, unhappy and sometimes depressed.

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Reading books while pregnant has helped me overcome some of the negative aspects of pregnancy, because first of all you will understand you’re not the only one who doesn’t feel all the time comfy and happy for having a baby in your tommy.  Most woman read book such as general guidelines and/or roadmap to a healthy delivery, healthy pregnancy and breastfeeding. But there are also other amazing book to be read especially if you belong to the world of problems with pregnancy. Some of the books I would suggest are:

  • Pregnancy Sucks: What to do when your miracle makes you miserable by Joanne Kimes, and Leslie Young
  • The Panic-Free Pregnancy: An OB-GYN Separates Fact from Fiction on Food, Exercise, Travel, Pets, Coffee, Medications, and Concerns You Have When You Are Expecting by Michael Broder
  • Let’s Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, … Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being by and Eden M. Kennedy
  • Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth about Pregnancy and Childbirth by Jenny McCarthy

The latest book I read was ‘Do Chocolate Lovers Have Sweeter Babies?: The Surprising Science of Pregnancy’ by Jena Pincot, an amazing book full of interesting facts I would say. No matter how funny and not serious its title it might sound, in fact the book is full of fact and science. It helps you understand some issues much better such as: Why pregnancy woman see more vivid dreams, How exercising during pregnancy makes babies much smarter (also listening to Mozart), How our emotions (happiness and stress) are transmitted to our babies – and How our emotions effect girl vs. boy fetuses, It also explains that Having more sex with the baby’s father before and during pregnancy may prevent preeclampsia, How chocolate consumption during pregnancy is associated with babies with better temperament, Etc.

There are tons of great pregnancy books, but there are also many worthless ones, however what is interesting for me might not be interesting for you, and sometimes it depends on your mood, so if you feel like not reading a book while pregnant don’t do it. But, also never forget that reading always makes you feel more prepared and not alone.

F.A.M.I.L.Y

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Today as my husband was leaving for a business trip, my three years old daughter said to him “Daddy I’ll miss you, and please make sure this is your last time to go away from us.. please make sure when you come back you’ll never leave us alone again!”.. and it did break my heart into a million pieces. It did break my heart not because of what she said at that moment, but because there are thousands of people outside who break-up so easily and leave their children behind without thinking what their children feel, how that might influence their future.

Family is the most precious thing.

When you decide to have a baby please make sure that your partner is the one, that your vows are honest, that you will stay together no matter what.. and that you will try to do your best to be happy when  times are rough.

There’s no family out there that doesn’t have problems, that doesn’t go through difficult times.. there’s no person out there that at least once in a life had felt alone, and ready to leave his (her) partner for ‘something or someone better’,.. but the greatness stands to willingness to try and work that relationship over and over again… the beauty is to fight those difficult times together… the miracle is to work on happiness when things get rough and unstable.

When me and my husband decided to have a baby we made sure that breaking-up is not an option. I don’t know what life might bring me in the future, but one thing I know for sure I will die trying if needed but I won’t let my family break-apart ever…