Tag Archives: life

Your life priorities and people’s judgments

Tonight I’m going out with my girls from work. I award myself every month to go out with my girls, sometimes twice a months, and once a month I go out alone with my hubby. Sometimes I also go out for a short coffee with my friends after the work – so it’s not like I don’t go out without my daughter, but still when I look at my friends it seems like I go out very rare.

Usually when I go out I’m very excited because it’s fun-time for me, without having to worry if my girl will fall or embarrass me somehow. But, tonight I’m not so excited.   Usually I go out with the ones I feel comfortable with, whereas tonight there are also friends I really don’t enjoy being around. In other cases I wouldn’t go out, but tonight I decided I will because I don’t wanna be the party-breaker.

I don’t know how it is in your country but in Kosovo going out means you HAVE to look astonishing. Trust me, girls pay special make-up artists and hair-dressers just to look pretty. Appearance is one of the most important things in here – everything should be fashionable and amazing.

I personally finished my grad-studies in Slovenia, where people are simple (like in most part of the world – at least the ones I travelled to – including some states in USA). They look clean, fresh and that’s it. So somehow that is how I became. To me feeling fresh, clean and comfortable is the most important thing. But as I said that’s not how people value you in Kosovo, so I often get judged because of this attribute. My friends accepted me the way I am but I now not everybody does, so tonight I’ll go out with girls who firstly will look goddess, and second will judge me for my appearance.

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I’m not a very rich person. I’m not complaining because my life is above the average life of the people living in Kosovo, but I don’t have money to through away. Spending money on unnecessary and expensive cloths is not something I can afford. I can if I want to, but then I have to give up on something else like going out on weekends with my family, and this is something I would NEVER give up for cloths. I’m not saying I’m right, it is just the way I prioritize my things.

Sometimes I try not to worry about people’s opinion and live my life carefree just like I am, but some other times I can’t close my eyes, because when people stare at you it just doesn’t feel good.  Tonight is one of these night (although they are very rare) when I don’t feel good, and yet I chose to go out. I will always chose feeling bad over giving up because I want to let the others know that I am happy the way I am, I have a healthy and happy family and to me that is the most precious thing in life.

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Friends over years

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The most common definition of friendship defines friendship as a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Nonetheless over time or better say with age meaning of friendship and/or of the ‘mutual affection’ changes.

When you are a child – a friend symbolizes someone you like to play with. It is someone you share common interest for toys/games but you never fight with.

When you are in primary school – a friend (and by friend I mean a best friend) is someone you like spending time outside the school, such as study together and even tell some secrets with. This is the time when you in fact understand the meaning of the best friend. There are times you believe your best friend will stick around you forever.

If you’re lucky you and your best friend will go to the same school in the secondary education, so your mutual affection will only get better and stronger. It will be so strong you will believe that there’s no way ever for you to grow apart. The relationship with your friend will be so powerful and meaningful, he/she will become the center of the universe. If you’re not so lucky, than you will find another friend who will become your best friend you will hang out, share your story and make plans to study together. But you will always be more reserved and have a back-up plan in you sub-consciousness – because once you failed (when you were making plans with your best friend from your primary school).

When you are in your undergraduate and/or graduate studies you will not have so much time to keep a strong relationship with a friend, because most probably you will be working too. Moreover it is the time when you start exploring life partners and your consciousness is more contrite towards your future. I’m not saying you will not have friends to hang out with – I’m saying your time will be more limited to create strong bounds with your friends.

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Moreover, when you are young the number of your best friends is much bigger, and by time you will understand that you’re really lucky if the number of your best friend is not less than 1.

Friendship, just like any other relation requires your time and effort to make it work. With time your priorities change, at least mine have changed. With time and by getting older family remains your weakest point and the real center of your universe. Having a family, happy family requires too much time and work, which on the other hand leaves you very little room for friends. And there are only two ways to pass this dynamic life – one is if your friend lives in the same stage and has the same priorities as you – and as such you will understand each-other so perfectly that whenever you meet you not only won’t judge the other one for not having time to see you everyday –but will support each other and will pick up the talking from where you left it the last time you were together; or if your best friend is your colleague so you still meet him/her everyday. One way of another never allow yourself to say alone without friends, because best friends are supportive, and you can talk to them things you can’t talk with your family.

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Life at the edge – Living with cancer

I just finished reading the book “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green. It is a very famous book, so I guess even if you didn’t read it, you must have heard about it (or watched the movie), so I’m not gonna do a book review today. However, for the ones who might (surprisingly) not hear about it, I’ll just tell you that this is fabulous book which talks about cancer and how cancer effect our lives. It is a story of a young teenage girl diagnosed with lung cancer (Hazel)– who falls in love with a guy (Augusts) who had a rare bone cancer but was cured. However, at the end of the book his cancer repeats and unfortunately he dies. Yes, it is a sad story, but as Augusts says: “The world is not a wish-granting factory”.

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I believe all of us have someone in our families, or at least know someone who fights with cancer, many of us know someone who have died because of cancer, and as sad as it sounds this is the real life we live in and fight for. Life is not easy, is not beautiful, but also it’s not always sad and ugly. I believe life is a choice of how we want to look at it.

My mother has been cleared from breast cancer since 2001. Yes, I know breast cancer is the most common and curable type of cancer, but yet it was not easy living with an adorable mother who fights with cancer. It was painful, sad, and hopeless. But she is such a strong woman, I admire her. Instead of us giving her energy and hope to fight the cancer, she was the one who gave us hope, she was the one ensuring us everything will be OK, and she was the one believing that everything happens for a reason, so whatever God has written for her he had better plans for us. Thankfully she survived!

These days, father of my best friend is diagnosed with bone cancer, but contrary to my mother’s case he is refusing to fight it. He surrounded himself to his sickness, and this is very painful for his children. It is very sad and painful for someone to see his dad willing to die because he has no hope that he can win. It is very painful for a parent to be so egoistic and not think of his children and how he makes them feel, but instead mourn for his death before it even knocked on his door.

As the book emphasized we donnot get to choose if we get hurt in this world, but we can always choose who we want to hurt, or who hurts us, and we should always choose wisely. We should devote ourselves for the people we love. We should make them feel less miserable. Life definitively is not a wish-granting factory, and yes sometimes death gets us in the middle of our life, in the middle of a sentence, in a middle of a loving moment, but when that time comes we should make sure we die smiling, and everyone around us is happy for having the chance to know us,.. everyone around us should feel happy knowing that we died happily.

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August 5

5 August is the 217th day of the year, and there are 148 days remaining until the end of the year.

It was August 5th 2009, and I was only 24.. Is it a coincidence that if you sum up 5+8+2+0+0+9 it gives you exactly 24 I don’t know.. Is it a coincidence that August 5th 2009 was Wednesday same as the day I was born, you were born and our daughter was born I don’t know either.. all I know that in that particular day my life has changed for better. Today I’m here, living happily and in love thanks to this day 05.08.2009.

The whole 217 days of the 2009 were lived in hope. The whole 217 days were war days, consisting of different fights, some of which ended with victory and some others ended with loss yet here we were in the finish line smiling to this cruel world, smiling for our victory and for the fresh start standing in front of us.

148 remaining days didn’t meant anything for us anymore, because our calendar marked August 5 as the first date –the beginning of this long journey called life, while the end was eternity.

I still remember every single detail from this date, and will do so for the rest of my life. I keep smiling still and always will as long as I have you by my side.

We won! Our love won! Me and you till eternity!

I heart you!

Einstein letter to his daughter

“Dear Lieserl
When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.

I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.

There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us.

This universal force is LOVE.

When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force.

Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it. Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others.

Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals.

For love we live and die.
Love is God and God is Love.

This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will.

To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation.

If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.

After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy.

If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer.

Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet.

However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released.

When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life.

I deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer!”

Your father Albert Einstein

P.S. I don’t know if this letter is true, but I love the explanation of universal force called Love

Unhappy Generation

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Most of us, living in social-media generation, feel unhappy most of the time, regardless of the fact if we admit it or not. In order to know why, we should first define happiness.

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. We feel happy when our dreams come true, when we achieve more than what we expect, so as I have read it somewhere happiness is reality minus expectation.

So why the generation of social-media feels unhappy?!

The truth is that it doesn’t start with social-media.. it goes way beyond that.. to our grandparents (and maybe even before than). Nobody expected anything from them. Most of our grandparents were un-educated. They had skills – skills that generated money.. money that they needed to buy food, cloths, and similar. They did not travel for fun/holidays, and even if they did it was very near and nothing luxurious.

Our parents on the other hand were more educated; the idea of having a business, being an entrepreneur was born in their times. Many of them worked (and/or are still working) in offices. They did travel around the world. TVs were invented so they did see better places, better cultures and as such improved their lives. They were the happiest generation ever known in this world. No one expected anything from them, but they did achieve greatness; and based on the formula Happiness=reality-expectation, they balance was too visible.

As a result our parents increased their expectations for us. We were told we’re special, and that greatness is nothing, we should try for perfection. We were raised with the idea to be the best..  Beside that, not long after, social media were invented… a fake world where everybody tries to picture themselves in the best way they can and know how. A fake world which has a huge impact on us, everyday. So here we are: (i) didn’t meet expectations of our parents, and (ii) do not live a perfect life.

Social-media and media in general are serving us the definition of beauty and happiness.. If we do not fulfill the criteria about happiness and beauty as it is serves to us, then we all feel unhappy, we feel a bit frustrated and inadequate to this world.

Life in our generation is not anymore about the way we live, but the story we tell. We keep comparing our story to other stories and again feel sad, because even if our story sounds better than theirs, we know it’s not a true story, so it hurts twice: once because we are not living a life we keep telling, and second because we believe others are living their life perfectly.

In fact we started our life-journey perfectly well, but we are so much focused on others that we forget to live our life. We try to live our life as others are defining it.

The secret of happiness is accepting where you are and making the most out of every day. Happiness is knowing that someone out there envies you because of the things you have, so be thankful for everything you have, and live your life. Their grass is not greener than ours. The truth is that everyone else is just as self-doubting, frustrated and as unhappy as you are, so if you just do your thing you’ll never have any reason to envy others.

Don’t look for happiness-create it. Trust me being happy is fun!

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What real love feels like

When we are teenagers we think passion is love, but we’re sooo wrong.. Passion is momentum, while real love is so much more than that.

When I was teenager I met a boy I was so crazy about him. All I did in my life was for him, and in fact everything I did for him was so wrong. Yet I didn’t care, because for me love overcomes everything. Life and some paths we walk are beyond our control, and no matter how much we wish some things, and how hard we try for some other things, we end up somewhere else.

As you might guess, I and my ex-boyfriend, during our student life, separated our roads (although we remained ‘hi-bye friends’)… and only later on I met my husband. To be honest with you (and my husband too) I did compare sometimes my husband and our love with my ex-boyfriend. I compared them because I thought the feeling I had for my ex-boyfriend was ‘real love’ and that loving someone else will never be as strong as loving him.. But I was so wrong…true-love-1 Real love is much more than that.. Real love is REAL.. Only when I met my husband and we were together I understood that. Only then I understood that my feelings for my ex-boyfriend were teenage passion, but not real love, because if it was real love we would be together. By loving my husband I understood that real love is the answer to all problems, difficulties, and struggles in life. I understood that real love is the answer to all beautiful days, and happiness in life.  Real love is respect, unselfishness and commitment to love. It hangs in there always!

Now let me tell you in some point the difference between passion and real love:

In obsessed/passion love we as a person are more interested in the physical appearance of the other person and how they make us feel when we are together.. In real love on the other hand we are interested in the total personality of the other person, and how they make us feel also when we are not together, how others see and judge us.

In obsessed/passion love our feeling for the other person vary  from hot to cold, whereas in real love they are always warm and tender. Real love grows slowly but surely and deeply. No matter how mad you are with the other person, your love never changes, and you can still speak the ‘I love you’ words.

In obsessed/passion love we can stand only the positivity of the other person.. In real love we love the flaws of the other person. As my mother says “The secret of love is to bear other’s flaws because everybody can bear their values’.

I truly love my husband. My love for him is so strong that nothing ever will be so strong to come between us. His love changed me, made me e better person. His love made wish I have my own family.. his love made me wish he becomes the father of my child (thanks God he is). His love made me respect more my family, my job and life itself. I’m more than lucky honestly. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m really blessed to have him in my life. imagesUNUE0VHX