Tag Archives: mother

Choosing my baby’s name

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When I was born in 1985 it took my father 1 month and a half to decide for my name. They never wanted to know my gender, especially because I was the third child in a family with two daughters. The only reason in fact my parents decided to have another child was by hoping I will be a boy, since my father, my grandfather and my grand-grandfather were the only men in their family, and they really wanted to have a heir who would inherit my family name and wealth. And as you might imagine giving a birth to another girl was not a happy moment for them –although I was the most loved and spoiled daughter in the family afterwards.

Today it’s totally different. Today people get more excited and happy when they give birth to girls, because daughters are always more connected with their families – even after they get married.

When I was pregnant with my first baby, even before I knew her gender me and my husband had chosen two names one for the boy and another one for a girl. Although their meanings were very contradictory (for the girl we chose the name ‘Bora’ which means snow, while for the boy we chose the name ‘Dielli” which means sun). It turned out to be a girl so her name is Bora.

Now after 4 years I’m pregnant for the second time and it’s a boy, and despite the fact that everyone thought his name will be Dielli, me and my husband share different feelings today (compared to others). Dielly indeed is a very beautiful name, very positive, but it is just used too much lately in Kosovo. I have a feeling that every second boy is named Dielli. But choosing a name for our baby it is very tough. We want a short-name, to be Albanian (but easily pronounced in English too – since Albanian language has 36 alphabet letters – some of them which are not easily pronounced in other languages), and have a meaning. We have many proposals and suggestion but someone none of them is ‘the one’. I never thought choosing a baby’s name will be this hard.

Then of course I searched online how other people chose their baby names, and of course how it sounds and uniqueness are the most important thing people look for, but people look also after names that age well and that combine emotions, such as link it to a moment, month of birth, etc. One of the things that is very important, especially if you want a unique name is to do your homework well, because sometimes you think you baby’s name is very rare, but then suddenly after you name it every second child holds that name. A very interesting suggests I’ve read online is that ‘most name associations don’t last’. It happened to me and I’m sure it happened to all new parents to conjure/associate a name preference with our pasts: that childhood friend we didn’t love, ex-lover of our partner etc. –but if we really love the name afterwards we will regret for not naming our baby because of someone we once didn’t love. Because we all (including our family and friends who might be against the name) will learn to love the name once the baby arrives.

One of the toughest debate I had with my husband around the name for our baby-boy is that he wanted to have a strong meaning –masculine type of name – which shows power. But then he kept suggesting names like Ares – the son of Zeus from Greek mythology, who was the God of war, spiritless, and who killed everyone who crossed his road. It was hard convincing him that the name doesn’t have to be strong because the name won’t impact the kid’s masculinity or personality. Last but not least we all should remember that the name we will pick is the best.

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When motherhood overcomes career and money

Currently I work as tariff expert in electricity distribution and supply companies. It is an interesting job, well-paid and highly appreciative. This is one of the working place I would work forever.

As most of you already know, I’m pregnant and expect to give birth by the end of March (although my due date is beginning of April). I don’t know if you remember, but with my first child I didn’t have the chance to enjoy my maternity leave as I did change my job and had no vacancies whatsoever, so I went to work after 5 weeks I have birth to my daughter – leaving her with her grandma (my mother in law) for total of 8 working hours (plus additional 1 hour of traffic to get back home). As a result she became a very crying baby and I a very tired and kind of depressed mother. Thankfully those days are over and I did promise to myself that never in my life I would chose my carrier and/or money over my children.

Job or Baby

Today I’m 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant and just got an information that my manager will leave for another company and as a result I might need to replace him. My world turned upside-down. Am I in position to refuse the job? – No  – and you know why because there’s no one else who can replace him. Our work is very specific and no one can replace him – unless we open a call and hire someone from other companies engaged in electricity sector (which I doubt my director will be willing to do – when he has already someone from inside). Am I happy for this news? – NOT AT ALL. I was there once I know how it feels and no I don’t wanna go back there. I don’t want a career perspective, nor a higher salary. All I want for the moment is to be with my baby as long as the law allows me (6 months in Kosovo, with the possibility of extension of another 6 months). I believe that maternity leave will allow me firstly to overcome the birth experience and get well properly, secondly it will allow me to connect properly with my child – which might result for the baby to be more calm, and last but not least if me and my baby will be Ok I’ll have enough time for my daughter and as such she won’t feel bad for another sibling, respectively for sharing her with her brother.

The only positive thing right now is that our general director still doesn’t know the decision of my manager and he is not planning to tell him, until he signs the new contract, so that might give me enough time to start my maternity leave on time, and hopefully until I get back no one will call me and disturb me. But if you ask me how hopeful I am of this scenario.. I really don’t even wanna think about it!

Differences between first and second pregnancy

I’m sure this article will be interesting only to the ones who are pregnant for the second time, and probably you have already read too many articles related to the differences between first and second pregnancy. But today I won’t be talking about theoretical lessons you read on professional articles, contrary I will tell my experience – which might be yours tomorrow.

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My first pregnancy was totally different. Everything was unknown, new and no matter how much I was reading everything seemed surprising. My relation with my partner only got stronger. We were both very exciting.

Hopefully I never had health problems. Contrary I was very energetic and felt heathy. My only problem was that I was a bit nervous during entire pregnancy, but otherwise everything was perfect. I was working full time and finishing my master classes in the evening. My daughter seems very comfortable inside me and she didn’t even take a step forward to get ready for the outside world, she was position horizontally, with her head on my left side and legs on my right side. No pressure whatsoever down in my pelvic are or up on my ribs. I was comfortable too – sitting, walking, moving, sleeping, and eating. I entered my 42nd week of pregnancy when I and my doctor decided for C-section, because my daughter was weighting 4.5 kg and it was becoming already unhealthy for her to continue staying in the womb.

Although as soon as she came out everything what seemed happy and nice got destroyed because she was very crying baby and I had to start working after 5 weeks of delivery, nonetheless, that’s topic for another article.

Today I will tell you my entire journey with my second pregnancy, up to date (Today I’m 32 weeks and 3 day pregnant). Firstly I had problems with my menstruation so I set an appointment to the doctor and it was there I understood I was pregnant (although my test were showing negative results). Of course I was happy and comfortable so I had two weddings in the upcoming months and I thought I’m more experienced now, plus my pregnancy will be as good as the first one, so I was not very careful with myself – by dancing and standing a lot – which resulted with bloodshed, which market also the beginning of a more complicated pregnancy. Although I must admit I have heard of much more complicated pregnancies, for me it was very tiring especially because I had a daughter I had to take care.

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Firstly my blood pressure is most of the time very low, which makes me tired sleepy and sometimes often feel like I might fall. I was vomiting, had short-breaths since the beginning, heartburns, head-aches, bone aches and on and on. Now that I approached the ending I feel like I can’t take it anymore. On top of all these, my baby’s position is head-down (which is good I know), but it makes terrible pressure on my pelvic area as well as on my ribs (with his little legs moving all the time). I feel very uncomfortable sitting, sleeping and especially walking (because I have a feeling my baby is coming out all the time). The only positive thing about my second pregnancy was that after all these complication (and many other I didn’t mentioned) I feel happy, very calm and not nervous at all (contrary I feel I have too much love to spread to the entire world).

Sometimes I believe that even if my second pregnancy was as good as the first one, it would still be different because I am more older, more tired, I don’t have as much time myself as I used to have because I have a child who has needs only I can fulfill. But no matter all these, I still feel the happiest mom on earth because I have a healthy and happy family which is growing. My children will grow surrounded by love and happiness and that’s priceless.

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ARRIVAL OF A NEW SIBLING

Today I entered my 28 week of pregnancy, or as we would like to hear it in Kosovo, I just entered my 7 months of pregnancy.

My second pregnancy is totally different from my first one, I feel more tired, extremely breath-less, and very sleepy. Yet, this is not my concern, although I have at least 2 full months ahead of me, which will be even worse. My problems is my daughter, or better say how to prepare her for her new rival coming soon.

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Yes I’ve read hundreds of articles, I’m talking to her, I’m preparing her, I’m even engaging her in every little activity so she can feel prepared and accomplished that she is the older sister and she will be his guide, his protecting angel and his friend. But yet I feel kind of sorry for her. Yes sorry, because I know my attention will not be 100% towards her. She will be often left aside (especially if her brother comes out to be as crying and demanding baby as she was). She will be left aside not because I would like to, or I will love my second child more, but because the crying baby, who doesn’t know to speak and tell me what is bothering him, will need my attention, my effort, my hand and my time. She will be left aside because no matter how much dedication and time we will give her, other people will be more enthusiastic towards the new baby than her – and this is something I can’t control.

I was 18 years old when my niece arrived. Being the youngest in my family I had the entire attention on me, people loved me the most, and I was as spoiled as you can imagine. Suddenly, at 18 years old, no one cared for me anymore. My niece was in the center of attention, including my attention, but yet it didn’t feel fair to me. I was jealous for my sister who suddenly forgot to kiss me, and who never laid her eyes on me anymore… and yes I was 18 years old – old enough to understand and feel ashamed of what I was feeling at that time. I’m 30 years old now, and I can still feel the pain I felt back then, I can see myself struggling to pass through the ‘loss of attention and love’ of my most loved ones. Having this in mind I’m terrified for my daughter.

I know there’s no formula what can work the best, and I will keep engaging her in everything, not only now even afterwards, because I know how hard it is for her to accept that her most loving people (me and her dad) suddenly will share her with someone else. I once read that in order to imagine how painful it is for a child to accept the arrival of a new sibling is to imagine that your partner announces you suddenly that “hey hun’ you’re so loving and adorable I decided to get married again and bring another partner to live with us”. I’m trying to teach my daughter that the new baby doesn’t mean we will share her with someone else –because we won’t. Contrary, the new baby will mean ‘bringing us closer’. She is my first love, my angel and my friend, and she will always be so. I need her and her hand to raise the baby and I will let her understand how important and precious her role is, although still deep -deep inside I know the reality, how she will feel, and what she will be going through. I’m fully aware of the ugly truth, and this hurts me, no matter how happy I am that my second miracle of love and happiness is on the way.

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The unlimited infinity

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I never knew how much I loved my daughter until I got pregnant again. Yes, that’s true!

Until I got pregnant again with my second child I thought that the love I feel for my daughter is infinite, but I realized now that my infinity has grown further, it’s bigger, wider, and stronger than before.

Me and my husband had plans before we wanted another child (expanding our house, buying new car, save more, etc.), but then we realized there is always something holding back our plans and time passes fast. My lil’ angel is growing into a smart, beautiful young girl and I can’t stop the time. She feels lonely too. So we decided to grow our happy family with another child.

It is never hard to decide to have a child when you feel happy and loved, contrary it makes you feel even happier and more connected with one another. To me it was surprising the fact that my love for my daughter grew further. It was surprising because I already thought I love her unconditionally and more than infinity, and realizing I could love even more it was a real surprise.

Currently I’m 6 months pregnant and there are still 3 more months until I can hold my Babyboy, but I already love him as much as my daughter. No matter what might happen until the end, my little creature moving unstoppably in my tommy will always remain my adorable –priceless angel, because it showed me the power of mother’s love, more than I ever knew it – or was aware of it.

I feel happy, like a free bird flying up high in a blue and diamond shining sky – and can’t wait to hold both my angels in my arms, look deep in their eyes, hear the loud laughs and sweet voices – because now I’m aware my infinity has no limit – and who knows tomorrow my current unlimited infinity might just expand further..

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A Mother…

If one of your sons died, while another one had a car-accident and is on a wheelchair, would you still be able to smile? – Yes, Yes smile?! – That’s the power of mother… No matter how hurt she is, no matter how much pain she hold inside, she is still able to smile and move forward for the sake of her other children, who have no guilt for her bad luck.

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Nothing in this world is more powerful than the love a mother has for her child. No matter how much life has pushed you away, and drawn inside badness, a mother is still able to stand-up, to move on and fight until her last breath for her children.

A proverb says “When a child is born, a mother is born”, but proverb doesn’t quote that if a child dies a mother dies too, unless if she has other children to live for, because a mother’s love is fearless in defense of her child. Most mother know that their love and emotional availability are vital to their children’s well –being, therefore even if her heart cries for the loss of one child, she will still smile for the other one who is still alive and holds on to her.

I experienced this phenomenon this weekend, when a mother who has lost a son, plus has another one in a wheelchair, was still able to organize a wedding for her youngest son, and not only. She was able to dance, smile, spread love, and laugh like nothing has happened to her, like she never had a single bad day in her life.

Some people might think it was easy for her, while some other might think it was hard. But trust me it is unimaginable pain… I, myself, was not able to hold my tears when I was watching her son on the wheelchair trying to dance and laugh, while we were all in our feet – walking and dancing freely. But she… she didn’t shed a single tear. Not because she was not hurt, not because she was unemotional, but because she was a mother… and she knew that her other son was watching her eyes… That’s the power of mother- unconditional and unimaginable.

In special days like this

Today is not like every day.. Today is a very special day from me, and I’ll tell you why:

I woke up in the morning, happy as usual. I’m a morning person by the way; I love mornings because they make me feel energized and ready to rock the day. Today was a real spring day, the sun was shining brightly, but you could still feel the morning breeze..

As my husband was driving us to wok and our daughter to kindergarten, the music in the background was just amazing. We were all singing out-loudly and happily. The music played today reminded me the times when me and my husband were dating, free from obligations and planning our future together. Those were the times when we decided to have a child, and somehow today after 3 years since my daughter was born, it is the first day I started to think I would like to have another child soon..

And the day continued as usually.. We left our baby girl and went to work..

I was overloaded with work, when my phone rang.. it was from kindergarten.. My hearted started to beat fast and slow at the same time and million questions were boiling in my head: “Is she sick? – Did she fell? – Is she crying? –Maybe she is in ambulance?” –questions like this only a mother can understand. I finally picked up the phone and her teacher said ‘Rudina, Bora wants to talk to you on phone.. She keeps asking me, and it’s not stopping’ I said ‘Ok, give Bora to me” and again numerous question came to my mind ‘What will she tell me? – Maybe she just doesn’t want to eat her breakfast, but her teachers are insisting? – No, she’ll tell me something else, maybe she did something wrong and she is afraid when I’ll find out I will punish her when we go back home? – No, no, she will tell me, another child hit her” and like.. and then… I hear her sweet, sweet voice:

“Mommy, I LOVE YOU”

I’m like ‘ohhhh baby, I love you too, are you OK’

Bora: “Yes mommy”

Me: “Ok honey, now be a good girl, listen to your teachers and have fun at school today Ok’

Bora: “ok mommy, bye’

Me “Bye sweetheart’

I was so afraid I’ll cry there on the phone, or that she will ask me to go and pick her up, I couldn’t wait to close the phone

Is there a better feeling in the world? – I really doubt.

Children are true miracles, pure angels, and the best gift God can give us. I’m so blessed to have her. No matter how ‘hard I’m with her, difficult to deal with or hard to handle’, she loves me back, because she feels my pure and unconditional love for her.. Yes she does! .. and today I’m the happiest mother alive.

May God bless every female out there with this precious gift..

and yes I wanna have another child!

md