Tag Archives: motherhood

Choosing my baby’s name

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When I was born in 1985 it took my father 1 month and a half to decide for my name. They never wanted to know my gender, especially because I was the third child in a family with two daughters. The only reason in fact my parents decided to have another child was by hoping I will be a boy, since my father, my grandfather and my grand-grandfather were the only men in their family, and they really wanted to have a heir who would inherit my family name and wealth. And as you might imagine giving a birth to another girl was not a happy moment for them –although I was the most loved and spoiled daughter in the family afterwards.

Today it’s totally different. Today people get more excited and happy when they give birth to girls, because daughters are always more connected with their families – even after they get married.

When I was pregnant with my first baby, even before I knew her gender me and my husband had chosen two names one for the boy and another one for a girl. Although their meanings were very contradictory (for the girl we chose the name ‘Bora’ which means snow, while for the boy we chose the name ‘Dielli” which means sun). It turned out to be a girl so her name is Bora.

Now after 4 years I’m pregnant for the second time and it’s a boy, and despite the fact that everyone thought his name will be Dielli, me and my husband share different feelings today (compared to others). Dielly indeed is a very beautiful name, very positive, but it is just used too much lately in Kosovo. I have a feeling that every second boy is named Dielli. But choosing a name for our baby it is very tough. We want a short-name, to be Albanian (but easily pronounced in English too – since Albanian language has 36 alphabet letters – some of them which are not easily pronounced in other languages), and have a meaning. We have many proposals and suggestion but someone none of them is ‘the one’. I never thought choosing a baby’s name will be this hard.

Then of course I searched online how other people chose their baby names, and of course how it sounds and uniqueness are the most important thing people look for, but people look also after names that age well and that combine emotions, such as link it to a moment, month of birth, etc. One of the things that is very important, especially if you want a unique name is to do your homework well, because sometimes you think you baby’s name is very rare, but then suddenly after you name it every second child holds that name. A very interesting suggests I’ve read online is that ‘most name associations don’t last’. It happened to me and I’m sure it happened to all new parents to conjure/associate a name preference with our pasts: that childhood friend we didn’t love, ex-lover of our partner etc. –but if we really love the name afterwards we will regret for not naming our baby because of someone we once didn’t love. Because we all (including our family and friends who might be against the name) will learn to love the name once the baby arrives.

One of the toughest debate I had with my husband around the name for our baby-boy is that he wanted to have a strong meaning –masculine type of name – which shows power. But then he kept suggesting names like Ares – the son of Zeus from Greek mythology, who was the God of war, spiritless, and who killed everyone who crossed his road. It was hard convincing him that the name doesn’t have to be strong because the name won’t impact the kid’s masculinity or personality. Last but not least we all should remember that the name we will pick is the best.

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When motherhood overcomes career and money

Currently I work as tariff expert in electricity distribution and supply companies. It is an interesting job, well-paid and highly appreciative. This is one of the working place I would work forever.

As most of you already know, I’m pregnant and expect to give birth by the end of March (although my due date is beginning of April). I don’t know if you remember, but with my first child I didn’t have the chance to enjoy my maternity leave as I did change my job and had no vacancies whatsoever, so I went to work after 5 weeks I have birth to my daughter – leaving her with her grandma (my mother in law) for total of 8 working hours (plus additional 1 hour of traffic to get back home). As a result she became a very crying baby and I a very tired and kind of depressed mother. Thankfully those days are over and I did promise to myself that never in my life I would chose my carrier and/or money over my children.

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Today I’m 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant and just got an information that my manager will leave for another company and as a result I might need to replace him. My world turned upside-down. Am I in position to refuse the job? – No  – and you know why because there’s no one else who can replace him. Our work is very specific and no one can replace him – unless we open a call and hire someone from other companies engaged in electricity sector (which I doubt my director will be willing to do – when he has already someone from inside). Am I happy for this news? – NOT AT ALL. I was there once I know how it feels and no I don’t wanna go back there. I don’t want a career perspective, nor a higher salary. All I want for the moment is to be with my baby as long as the law allows me (6 months in Kosovo, with the possibility of extension of another 6 months). I believe that maternity leave will allow me firstly to overcome the birth experience and get well properly, secondly it will allow me to connect properly with my child – which might result for the baby to be more calm, and last but not least if me and my baby will be Ok I’ll have enough time for my daughter and as such she won’t feel bad for another sibling, respectively for sharing her with her brother.

The only positive thing right now is that our general director still doesn’t know the decision of my manager and he is not planning to tell him, until he signs the new contract, so that might give me enough time to start my maternity leave on time, and hopefully until I get back no one will call me and disturb me. But if you ask me how hopeful I am of this scenario.. I really don’t even wanna think about it!

Differences between first and second pregnancy

I’m sure this article will be interesting only to the ones who are pregnant for the second time, and probably you have already read too many articles related to the differences between first and second pregnancy. But today I won’t be talking about theoretical lessons you read on professional articles, contrary I will tell my experience – which might be yours tomorrow.

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My first pregnancy was totally different. Everything was unknown, new and no matter how much I was reading everything seemed surprising. My relation with my partner only got stronger. We were both very exciting.

Hopefully I never had health problems. Contrary I was very energetic and felt heathy. My only problem was that I was a bit nervous during entire pregnancy, but otherwise everything was perfect. I was working full time and finishing my master classes in the evening. My daughter seems very comfortable inside me and she didn’t even take a step forward to get ready for the outside world, she was position horizontally, with her head on my left side and legs on my right side. No pressure whatsoever down in my pelvic are or up on my ribs. I was comfortable too – sitting, walking, moving, sleeping, and eating. I entered my 42nd week of pregnancy when I and my doctor decided for C-section, because my daughter was weighting 4.5 kg and it was becoming already unhealthy for her to continue staying in the womb.

Although as soon as she came out everything what seemed happy and nice got destroyed because she was very crying baby and I had to start working after 5 weeks of delivery, nonetheless, that’s topic for another article.

Today I will tell you my entire journey with my second pregnancy, up to date (Today I’m 32 weeks and 3 day pregnant). Firstly I had problems with my menstruation so I set an appointment to the doctor and it was there I understood I was pregnant (although my test were showing negative results). Of course I was happy and comfortable so I had two weddings in the upcoming months and I thought I’m more experienced now, plus my pregnancy will be as good as the first one, so I was not very careful with myself – by dancing and standing a lot – which resulted with bloodshed, which market also the beginning of a more complicated pregnancy. Although I must admit I have heard of much more complicated pregnancies, for me it was very tiring especially because I had a daughter I had to take care.

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Firstly my blood pressure is most of the time very low, which makes me tired sleepy and sometimes often feel like I might fall. I was vomiting, had short-breaths since the beginning, heartburns, head-aches, bone aches and on and on. Now that I approached the ending I feel like I can’t take it anymore. On top of all these, my baby’s position is head-down (which is good I know), but it makes terrible pressure on my pelvic area as well as on my ribs (with his little legs moving all the time). I feel very uncomfortable sitting, sleeping and especially walking (because I have a feeling my baby is coming out all the time). The only positive thing about my second pregnancy was that after all these complication (and many other I didn’t mentioned) I feel happy, very calm and not nervous at all (contrary I feel I have too much love to spread to the entire world).

Sometimes I believe that even if my second pregnancy was as good as the first one, it would still be different because I am more older, more tired, I don’t have as much time myself as I used to have because I have a child who has needs only I can fulfill. But no matter all these, I still feel the happiest mom on earth because I have a healthy and happy family which is growing. My children will grow surrounded by love and happiness and that’s priceless.

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I don’t want to be a good mom – I want my child to have a good life

Unlike many of my friends in my age that have children but were not prepare to have one, I was totally prepared to have a baby. In fact one of the reason I got married with my husband was to have a baby (why else would I get married to someone I was living with?).

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I’m the youngest child in my family with 7 and 8 years difference with my siblings, so before I gave birth to my child I was lucky to have 3 nieces and 1 nephew. I saw them grow, I saw my sister dealing with them, and was totally informed about motherhood, with all the struggles and beauties it brings. So yes I was totally prepared.

Although, honestly the mom I thought I would be and the mom I am today are not the same. I wanted to be a perfect mother, who’s child will be in love with; I wanted to be a role model for my sisters (whom I used to judge a lot), my friends and all the world; I wanted to be the mom that my child would come to me first both for good and bad.. But instead I become a mother of discipline, whose child runs first at her dad or grandma for everything. I become a punishing, yelling mother. I become anything but a loving mother. And yet I’m proud of it, because I love my child unselfishly.motherhood

My daughter with two years old only knows to speak fluently her mother tongue and is learning both English (quite fast) and Turkish language (a bit slower – because I’m pushing her more towards learning the English language). She’s knows not only counting, but she know to count things and she knows that 1 thing and another thing make two things (basics of math). Her reasoning is fascinating, and trust me I couldn’t be prouder than that. I don’t want to take all the merits, because her adorable father works with her too, her loving grandma and loving kindergarten teachers also, but I know for sure a big portion of merits for her development belongs to me.

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I’m proud to be her mother and I’m proud of who I am. I’m proud of a mother I become because to me is more important to have a clever, independent and happy child than being a loving mother. For me is more important for her to have a long, healthy, happy life than to love me the most. To me is more important to celebrate her achievements rather than to be adored by her, because deep inside I know there will come a day when she will understand my approach and will thank me, just like I thank my mother every day. I thank her every single day for not showing me her unconditional love (the way I wanted to) but instead taught me about real life. I thank her for teaching me how to survive in good and bad; I thank her for teaching me the meaning of love, happiness and life itself.

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Today I am happy because she taught me to be. I thank her for teaching me how to become a good mother, a mother that one day my child will be proud of, because to me my angelic daughter is a living message I will send in time.. and I really want the message to be as perfect as it can be.

On her second BDay

42 weeks of waiting were needed to hold you in my hand.. It was the 42nd week when the D Day came.. It was 11th of April 2012, 09:05 a.m.. Of course I was the luckiest one to see you the first, to hold you in my arms and to quell the waiting enthusiasm.. Surely you did your first cry in my arms, but so you gave me the first look, and the first kiss – while other were still waiting outside the operation room to see you angelic face.

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The first year did not go so easy I must admit. Me and your father were adapting with you, just like you were adapting with us and your new life, although you were more stubborn and was not accepting easily the new life we gave you. It was a year full of tears, out-loud crying, sleepless nights; it was the year of lectures. Me and your father got closer than ever with each other, with you my little angel that by each passing day you were fitting perfectly in the middle of us, the golden middle just like you are my dearest girl.

Today while you celebrate you second year among us, I feel like I’m a butterfly flying in the air, where the air of your love kisses me gently and fills me with energy. To wake-up with you every morning is the greatest blessing that God gave me, to see you running inside the house is the miracle itself.

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Today as you celebrate your second birthday I want to tell you how proud I am, how happy I feel that I’m your mommy – so may be every day of your life my happiness. May your angelic face shine always with that childish smile and may your curiosity to always learn new things and practice them to perfection be always part of your character my love.

Although you’re still young to understand me I still want to teach you some lectures, one of the most important being ‘be strong’ because life usually is not so kind and beautiful. In fact life is full of disappointments, challenges, failures, – but never forget that these are the steps towards your happiness so climb them with your head up high. With the following years I will not always fondle you and tell you that you are the world’s greatest (of course you are to me). I won’t tell you always sweet words although you may judge me it still doesn’t matter because I’m sure one day when you will drive your life on your own you will thank me. One day when life’s wales will crash you in the rocks, these lessons will be your strength to leave your broken boat there and start swimming ahead. I will fondle enough for you to know that you are my air I breathe and my life itself and that I’m ready to move mountains for you. I want you to know that when a wave clashes you into the rocks I will be there as bulwark to protect you.

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You mom and dad gave you your life.. We hold your hands and taught you to walk. We stood by your side and cried with your together for days, weeks and months – and we will always be here for you, even when we are not living anymore. You just stay as you are – smiley, honest, sparkling, full of love.

May health, love, happiness, success and peace be upon you as a golden necklace. Me and daddy will make sure you will always keep that necklace around your beautiful neck.

Happy BDay my little lamp! Mommy Adores You!

P.S.  It was written on 11 April 2014

 

The weight of motherhood

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10 is the number of weight gain after I become a Mom, but 10 is just the additional number on my scales, the weight of motherhood is much bigger than number 10, is the lying 8 , is infinite ∞.

Before holding you child, while you plan to have one and/or you’re pregnant you read a lot about motherhood, about how to raise a happy child, how to be a good parent and keep constantly plan the way you want to raise your own baby. After your child is born, thing might not turn out to be as easy as you planned.

Whether you are a stay-at-home or working mom, being a mother can be one of the most difficult things that you have ever done. To me, motherhood is a test of endurance, test of putting some extra weight in your shoulders and keeps walking with head up high like a free bird. Motherhood is being strong, very strong, ready to fight with everyone and everything that you think can be harmful for your child, no matter how weak and torn apart you feel inside.. Motherhood is being able to be a professional employee working at least 8 hours per day; being a careful and always available friend; being your parent’s pride; being a housewife who cooks great, delicious and healthy food; being someone who keeps her house clean and fixed. Motherhood is about always looking good and pretty for your in-laws, looking attractive for your husband, and as most importantly is about being a loving mother, who takes care about her child, dresses him, feeds him, teaches him, never screams at him and loves him unconditionally.

I consider myself a strong woman, a solid mother and I love my job of motherhood and cherish the time I get to spend with my little angelic daughter Bora. My struggle is not about being a part of motherhood sorority. My struggle is more about finding the time to connect with myself outside of my role as “mom.” As moms, we give so much of ourselves to our children and everyone else around, but expect so little in return. This is the weight of motherhood I keep everyday on my shoulders, not 10 kg more, this is my struggle being able to fit the perfect fit between myself and my role as a mother.

Lately, however, I’m realizing that it’s time for me to be more than a mom, to remember that the more of myself I keep, the happier I will be for my family. If we don’t look after ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally, then there is very little left to give. So once a week I take ‘3 hours off’ of my role as a motherhood and do something for myself (go out for a drink, read a book, go shopping, or just listening to the music and doing nothing). But those 3 hours are the hours I miss the most my little angel, her absence from my world in those three hours gives me sadness, and I am reminded how proud and happy I am to be a mother, to be her mother. My love for Bora knows no limit. There’s nothing as powerful as a mother’s love and nothing as healing as a child’s soul. I’m blessed!