Today I entered my 28 week of pregnancy, or as we would like to hear it in Kosovo, I just entered my 7 months of pregnancy.
My second pregnancy is totally different from my first one, I feel more tired, extremely breath-less, and very sleepy. Yet, this is not my concern, although I have at least 2 full months ahead of me, which will be even worse. My problems is my daughter, or better say how to prepare her for her new rival coming soon.
Yes I’ve read hundreds of articles, I’m talking to her, I’m preparing her, I’m even engaging her in every little activity so she can feel prepared and accomplished that she is the older sister and she will be his guide, his protecting angel and his friend. But yet I feel kind of sorry for her. Yes sorry, because I know my attention will not be 100% towards her. She will be often left aside (especially if her brother comes out to be as crying and demanding baby as she was). She will be left aside not because I would like to, or I will love my second child more, but because the crying baby, who doesn’t know to speak and tell me what is bothering him, will need my attention, my effort, my hand and my time. She will be left aside because no matter how much dedication and time we will give her, other people will be more enthusiastic towards the new baby than her – and this is something I can’t control.
I was 18 years old when my niece arrived. Being the youngest in my family I had the entire attention on me, people loved me the most, and I was as spoiled as you can imagine. Suddenly, at 18 years old, no one cared for me anymore. My niece was in the center of attention, including my attention, but yet it didn’t feel fair to me. I was jealous for my sister who suddenly forgot to kiss me, and who never laid her eyes on me anymore… and yes I was 18 years old – old enough to understand and feel ashamed of what I was feeling at that time. I’m 30 years old now, and I can still feel the pain I felt back then, I can see myself struggling to pass through the ‘loss of attention and love’ of my most loved ones. Having this in mind I’m terrified for my daughter.
I know there’s no formula what can work the best, and I will keep engaging her in everything, not only now even afterwards, because I know how hard it is for her to accept that her most loving people (me and her dad) suddenly will share her with someone else. I once read that in order to imagine how painful it is for a child to accept the arrival of a new sibling is to imagine that your partner announces you suddenly that “hey hun’ you’re so loving and adorable I decided to get married again and bring another partner to live with us”. I’m trying to teach my daughter that the new baby doesn’t mean we will share her with someone else –because we won’t. Contrary, the new baby will mean ‘bringing us closer’. She is my first love, my angel and my friend, and she will always be so. I need her and her hand to raise the baby and I will let her understand how important and precious her role is, although still deep -deep inside I know the reality, how she will feel, and what she will be going through. I’m fully aware of the ugly truth, and this hurts me, no matter how happy I am that my second miracle of love and happiness is on the way.